


I Remember the Snow

by rubyphantom



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Canon Divergent, Consensual Infidelity, Eventual Romance, Infidelity, M/M, Post-Canon, Slow Burn, Some OOC
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-25
Updated: 2018-08-15
Packaged: 2019-05-28 06:48:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,622
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15043106
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rubyphantom/pseuds/rubyphantom
Summary: Harry and Draco have been apart long enough to remember what they had. This is their journey to be more than what they were. Angst, drama, romance. First Fic in a very long time, feedback would be appreciated. Tender!Draco.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic to post on the site, and my first written in over five years. My writing has changed some over the years and I figured a new platform would be a good place to test if my skill has increased at all. I currently have no beta for this work- all mistakes are my own. 
> 
> I don't own any of the characters- they all belong to our lovely J.K. Rowling.

**Chapter 1**

 

It’s the first day of the new school year and Lily is finally attending. I know that she’s more excited than nearly anyone has ever been to go to school and she’s off on the train so fast I barely have time to say goodbye to her. I wave at her and the boys as they get seated and that’s when I see the flash of blonde in my view. 

I never thought that it would be like this again. I mean, when looking at everything it seemed as if it had only been a day or two prior. It wasn’t like we had slept together in more than a year, but seeing him there, standing on the tracks as he was sending his one and only child off to school, did I realize that I missed everything that we had before. I was immediately brought back to a time when he had reached out a hand, his white blonde hair caressing my chest, and he stroked up and down my arm as we laid in silence. I knew that at the time I wasn’t ready to admit to anything yet. I wasn’t ready to admit to myself that what we had was beyond what I had ever experienced with another person, especially my wife. But seeing him standing there with his own son made me realize that we had indeed shared something special- something beyond what either of us would ever understand I think. 

Draco looked over at me then, a brief nod in acknowledgement, but nothing more. We shared a look, and my heart clenched when he turned away and I knew right then that I was hooked once more. I was the one who had called it off of course. Of course I was, I was a right bloody fool. My heart hammers as he walks towards me as the train pulls away and I feel Ginny tense at my side. Astoria nods briefly before apparating away and I know that she’s going to say something. I don’t want her to open her mouth so I shake my head. “Malfoy.” It’s brief, and a look of hurt flickers across his features as he stares me down with such intensity that I remember when that was passion, not anger. I miss passion on his features, and my lips open to say something else when he waves a hand. “Potter, may we have dinner, catch up?” Ginny looks at me stunned and is about to open her mouth when my cold stare stops her this time. 

“I will have to take a rain check on dinner tonight. Owl me this evening and we’ll arrange a time later this week?” My eyes are glued to his in a deep stare, I know he’s reading everything that presents within my eyes and he nods. “I’ll expect to hear back promptly then.” He turns and sweeps away, reminding me briefly of Professor Snape. Even after all these years I cannot bring myself to call him anything but. Severus sounds strange in my head and just Snape feels to disrespectful for all he did for our cause, for me, for my mother. Ginny stares at me and asks, “What in the hell was that about? WHy would he ask you to dinner now? The two of you were never friends, barely friendly after you made it so that he wouldn’t get locked up in Azkaban.”

I stare at her in mock horror. “You do realize that for nearly all of the last two years he and I were corresponding regularly so that we could actually try and be more civil to one another so that our grudges that we held when we were children wouldn’t carry over to our offspring?” She stares at me and her jaw drops. “I had no idea that the two of you were even talking.” I shake my head. “You remember when I said I was getting together with a colleague twice a week for dinner last year?” She nodded and her eyes grow wide. “You were meeting with him?”

I roll my eyes. “I did tell you WHO I was meeting with, but you do so often forget when I'm getting together with people that you probably forgot.” She blushes and shakes her head. “You’re right. There’s no way I would have remembered. Not when last year…” she trails off. It was a rough year for us both. She had been cheating on me with Dean… which started after I had ended things with Draco. Unlike my affair, I found out about hers when I walked in on them fucking right by the front door when the kids were at the grandparent’s house. I was home early to surprise them and found them on the floor, going at it like rabbits. I wasn’t devastated like most people would have suspected of me, but I knew that it was going to be either the end of our relationship entirely, or somehow we would make it through. I honestly never expected to try and work things out, but she made such an effort to fix things that I would have felt bad leaving. But it wouldn’t have mattered anyway; Draco was over us at the time, and wasn’t going to leave his wife and child to be with me. While gay wizards aren’t unheard of, there was no way that my pure blooded lover was going to let himself be smeared across the press as queer. 

I sighed and shook my head. “Don’t worry about it. We’ve moved past it.” She nods and bites her lip, a telltale sign that something is wrong , or there is something she’s failing to tell me. I take her arm and we do a side apparation home where I sit her down. “Talk.” She shakes her head, clearly communicating something more than what I was hoping for. I stayed with her for the kids- they need a stable environment. I didn’t stay with her because I loved her anymore. I was there for noble, stupid, selfish reasons. I’m pacing as I’m waiting for her to speak. It feels like I’ve been doing it for ages when her voice is quiet, but audible. “Dean was here last night while you were in Bulgaria.” 

I stop mid-stride and just turn my head to look at her. “Did he fuck you?” She is silent as her head falls to her chest, a shaking encompassing her form. “Did. He. Fuck. You?” The words come out cold, harsher than I intended them to be. She still isn’t saying anything. “Ginny, please, if you and he had sex, why can’t you just tell me so we can accept what this is already?” She looks up at my words. My voice is tired, the anger draining from me as quickly as it could appear. I’m not one to talk. I carried on an unknown affair for nearly two years. The difference was that when mine ended I never went back. “Let’s just get our divorce. We haven’t been in love for ages. Otherwise you wouldn’t keep going back to Dean.” Her face falls again and I know for sure she’s crying now. 

“I’m sorry. I swore it wouldn’t happen again, but I couldn’t help myself.” Her voice is breaking between words because of the effort to keep her voice steady enough to say them. “I thought we had fixed things, but I know now they were never fixed, just put off.” Her voice breaks and she is sobbing hard now, and I want to comfort her but I don’t. I know if I do, I will forgive her, I will allow her to hurt me again and again and I cannot have it. I shake my head and go to the fireplace. I light it and take a pinch of floo powder and call out for the Burrow.

I step out and the Weasely clan is looking at me surprised. “Harry! We weren’t expecting you for another day or two what brings you by?” Molly is looking at me lovingly and surprised to see me, as she always is nowadays. I feel my eyes welling up because she’s the only mother I ever really had. She sees me upset and pulls me into the den to sit while she summons tea and cake from the kitchen. She’s had to deal with so much loss, I hate to do this to her, but I have to talk to someone about it. 

“Ginny and I are getting a divorce.” Her hand is rubbing my back, and I find myself overcome with emotion. “She had an affair for six months last year, and I caught her...she told me it was over. We went to therapy to work through it but while I was gone last night it happened again.” I feel the tears streaming down my face and I pay them no mind. It’s not love, it’s just a sense of loss. “I figured you would want to hear it from me before the press gets hold of it.” I don’t even remember raising my eyes up to look at her. Her face is tight and her lips are pursed, almost displeased. “I’m sorry I’ve made you mad with me.” 

She shakes her head and lets out a hollow laugh. “I’ll admit I’m a bit surprised, but more from the fact that you stayed than the fact that you’re leaving her for it. I didn’t think for as in love with you as she was for so many years that she would do something like that. You were good to let her try and make it up to you- to try and fix things, but unfortunately not everything can always get fixed. You sometimes just have to let things lie and this, if this is the second time that she’s done it to you, perhaps it is time to accept the bed she put herself in isn’t yours and you just have to let her lie in it alone.” Molly takes my hand and I feel like her heart is breaking more than mine. “Despite this, you are always welcome in this house, you are still a part of this family, no matter what. I can’t lose any more of my children.” She says this earnestly and fiercely, like I was going to abandon her, leave her. I shake my head and she pulls me into a tight hug, almost until I can’t breathe anymore and when she pulls away she has tears in her eyes. “Stay the night, we’ll take care of things here.” I nod and she points me to Charlie’s old room. I settle in, realizing that I don’t even have a change of clothes, but the only thing I can think of in that moment is Draco. I pull a quill and ink out and start writing a letter. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I intended to post another chapter ages ago. I forgot to finish editing it, but here we are. Hopefully, as this story picks up a bit I'll see a comment or two? Let's continue
> 
> A reminder that this fiction does not have a beta: all mistakes are my own.

**Chapter 2  
**   


My eyes skim over the page. It’s well thought out, more than I would have expected from him. I hadn’t gotten around to sending Harry a letter yet this evening so this was an unexpected turn. I certainly wasn’t expecting a short apology stating that he couldn’t be bothered to go out in public for a while with news pending. He had to contact a wizarding lawyer and get his life straightened out. My slightly longer than shoulder length hair was brushing against my face as I ran my fingers through it. I needed to get it cut again, but Astoria was going on about how she loved it long, how I looked so regal and elegant. After my affair with Harry that she found out about, it was only natural that I did things her way for a long time. She had opened a letter that I meant to send to him that morning but forgot and didn’t spell closed. I had been careless, and that letter was meant to convey something far more serious than what he and I had been doing.

That was to be the last letter I’d have to write before we began living together, because it had been my plea for him to leave his wife and be with me, publicly because I am in love with him. Astoria knew that I preferred men, telling me that I could have discreet affairs once in a while when needed to keep my urges in check. Falling in love with my former mortal enemy had not been part of that agreement and since I didn’t follow it I was to suffer the consequences. I understood that and broke things off with Harry the next time we met, three days later. He looked devastated by the news, but told me that it was to be expected to end at some time- it couldn’t go on forever, right? We didn’t have sex that night, much to my relief. I couldn’t have stood saying goodbye in that way. I knew that my happiness was relying too much on him and that was why I was facing the hard decision of doing what my wife told me to do, or risk too much of my name and reputation to be with a man I wasn’t even sure was in love with me. In the end, my vanity won out, and we resumed our ‘happy’ marriage. Nothing suffered, our son didn’t notice a significant difference between us, but my forays with other men were arranged by her now instead of by me. I had taken it way too far with my betrayal of her trust in things and I accepted that. But now, looking back on everything I really wished I hadn’t. I wish that she had just told me to leave, take my thing and get out because then maybe, just maybe that sad look wouldn’t be on his features anymore.

My hands are in my hair deeply now as I’m staring at this letter. They’re getting divorced, he’s getting a new flat, he wants to see me. He wants to see me.  _He wants to see me._  I don’t know what that sentence means, what it means to him, what it is supposed to mean to me. It’s the first time in a year that I’m so confused, and the letter is so short that I don’t know what to take away from it. It’s so formally constructed that it’s like he didn’t want to say more for fear of revealing too much.

 

_Draco,_

_I know that things were left unfinished between us, and that is what I figure you want to discuss when we meet or dinner. I wish it was sooner, but alas, for the time being, I need to be out of the public eyes. Ginny and I are going to be getting divorced because of personal marital issues that I do not wish to discuss at this time. As such, meeting would not be wise until the divorce is finalized. I am on the hunt for a lawyer, and if you know of one that you recommend that would be appreciated. Money is no object as well you know. I do wish to see you. Please respond when you can._

_Harry_

 

I read over it again. No, that didn’t really clarify anything more for me. My heart is pounding as I reach for parchment and construct a reply. It’s also short, formal, hiding too much from him, but enough to keep me sane.

 

_Harry,_

_I do know a couple of lawyers who specialize in divorce, not for myself obviously but because Father had them as contacts once upon a time. I’m sorry to hear of your marriage, but things will be better once it is all squared away. I Understand remaining out of the public eye for a while, while things cool down and you get your bearing back again. If you like, we can meet in person but in private to discuss the names or I can send along a list and you can meet them at your convenience. Father only kept the best of the best with himself as you would expect, so do expect to pay a sum. If you need any help locating a new flat or have trouble finding one, I can discuss with Astoria about lending you a remote property in my name so you are not disturbed. Please reply in your time._

_Draco_

 

I leave out all notions of wanting to see him because it will show too much of myself. I cannot stand the thought of having spilled my guts to him as soon as he announced he was getting divorced. There would be too many questions from him, too many words needing to be spoken and I wasn’t ready for that. With Astoria’s permission, I was going to meet with Harry to tell him the arrangement she and I had made, why I ended it and what I wished to pursue. I was going to tell him how I felt and let him process through all of that in his own time, in his own way. But clearly, now those plans had changed. I imagine she would be relieved to know that it was now unlikely that as soon as Scorpius graduated that I would be leaving her to be with him if he allowed.

I let out a long sigh and tie the letter to my personal owl’s leg. It had been too long since seeing each other, and I was ready to make things work with Harry, but who knows where things were going to go from here. I watch my letter go and reach into my desk to pull out the parchment that I had barely saved from the fire when Astoria ripped it up and ran off in anger. It was one of the only truly passionate moments of our marriage, and I did wish I could love her like she deserved. The letter was long, nearly a foot and a half long, explaining everything in detail, all my plan, all the things that I thought we needed to do and how to make it work. I spent a third of that explaining just how deeply emotionally involved I was with him without even realizing it and knew that I was lost to him, but it wasn’t going to be the first time that it had happened.

It happened every year that I saw him. Every year on the train when I saw him I fell all over again. I fell for him when I was a foolish fucking child, much like his soon to be ex-wife was. I heard the name and was obsessed like a fool and was beyond hurt when he had shot me down and my world fell apart. He chose a family that wasn’t mine, chose someone who wasn’t me, and when I think back on the years between us, and how I had ended things with him over a year ago, I can only thing I did the same to him. I don’t know if he forgave me for it, but I sure know he cared that it ended because he yelled at me so loud for so long. I wish I could smile at the memory, but I had removed it because it took too much pain to replay over and over, which was what I did for the first three months after I ended things.

_Harry was pacing the room, staring at anything that wasn’t me. His emerald eyes were shimmering with tears, but from anger or hurt, I didn’t know. I also supposed it didn’t matter. I wanted to cry right along with him or tell him the real reason that I was ending things, but I had made certain promises to my wife, and this was too much for her. I couldn’t tell Harry that, because then the fucking noble prat would go and tell his wife and make things that much worse. Unlike me, Harry was bisexual. He had options if he wanted them, but I  didn’t. I had sex with my wife to produce an heir, but that had been the only reason._

_I sat on the bed, my composure just as stellar as it had been in school, my features cold and cruel. “We have to end things, Potter. Aren’t you getting bored?” My drawl was out, something that I still used half-heartedly, but this was no joking tone in my voice and Harry stopped to look at me. “I mean, it’s been nearly two years. I know I’m a novelty and a handsome bloke, but I’m pretty much over it.” I crossed my legs and felt my arms resting lightly on them as they had when I was a teenager looking to provoke a response. Harry didn’t rise to it this time, having matured far more than me apparently. My breath caught as he walked over and dropped to his knees in front of me._

_“You really want this to end then? You’re really that bored of me?” HIs eyes were boring into mine and I had to struggle to keep my breathing even. He knew he could elicit a reaction from me this way more often than not, and he had just a few weeks before during our last meeting. It was the look that I had always loved, and it was too hard to deal with right now. So I hardened my features and shook my head._

_“I’m terribly bored of you. I know that perhaps you don’t want to hear it, and that even maybe that you’re wanting more, but do you really think that this was going to keep going as it has for so long? Something was bound to give and I just find myself spacing out when we’re together. You don’t interest me anymore Potter.” My voice is so cold. I hear it and I hate myself for it. I hear the catch in his breath and he stands, his features attempting and failing to be as impartial as mine._

_“Fine. But if you come crawling back to me next week or next month or next year wanting me back, just remember that_ you _are the one that ended this. You are the one who put a stop to it.” He apparates out of our hotel in a crack and I feel my heart break. I don’t contact him again._

I trace over the letter, wondering why I have kept it the last year, and wondering if I should just be rid of it so that I would get rid of my heartache, but there is still so much that makes me keep it. I wonder what it is about Potter that makes me this lovesick fool. I worship the ground he walks on from afar because when I got too close to the fire of his passion I was burned. I got burned by trying to be more than what I was worth and it cost me far more than I would have ever guessed. Harry has not responded in the next hour when I go to have lunch. I call for a house elf to keep a lookout for the owl and hopefully a reply and I go to talk to Astoria.

Lunch is always a brief affair. My wife usually has functions she attends in the afternoons and I talk it over with her quickly and she consents. “He can use a property in upstate or in France. France is unplottable, which will suit his needs better. But I must remind you that you can see him when I allow, not on your own as you were before. You can’t allow your feelings about him to cloud your needs and focus. He was too much for you last time- you and I both saw that. You need to be kept in check and that’s why we arranged for this in the first place. Keep to our rules and I promise you that everything will go better.” That was all she had to say on the matter, and if Harry takes me up on that offer at least I’ll have something and somewhere to offer him.

It was that evening when I finally heard back and it was what I had been hoping for, but surprised to see nonetheless. The letter was less formal, still short admittedly, but perhaps he just wasn't’ in a space to write long letters at the moment.

 

_Draco,_

_Thank you for the offer of one of your holdings. I would love to take advantage of that, and if you have something that’s remote or unplottable I believe that would be even better. I know that it’s a lot of hassle to do that, but I would like to get extra wards put up just in case, and the ability to program the floo to accept only certain people. I know that my friends and you didn’t always get along, but I would like to be able to invite them over occasionally, but I also thought that perhaps we could do dinner at my hotel, in private to discuss the details and perhaps sign up a contract about rent and the like while I’m using your facilities. You probably will tell me that’s unnecessary, but I would like things to be a bit more formal given the situation between us. Please send a reply back with a different owl just in case people are trying to find me while I don’t want to be found._  
  
Thank you,

_Harry._

That was more than the last letter and more friendly, but at the same time sounding almost exhausted. He had only told me the news this morning so I was surprised he would be so tired, but remembering that he lost his wife and potentially his family in a short time was going to be emotionally hard especially on a sentimental Gryffindor like him. I shake my head at myself. If I had one or two more traits like him I probably would have been sorted into the same house. I shudder slightly, thinking about how badly those colours would have contrasted with my hair. If Pansy were still here she would laugh at me.

I set to writing him a letter in return and send it off, knowing that he will respond at the times that are best for him. This isn’t a year ago after all.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here I am again. Updated a bit more recently this time around. Hopefully, this is going to continue to be read by some people and enjoyed. Thanks much for stopping by!
> 
> As always this work is unbetaed, all mistakes are my own.

**Chapter 3**

 

My heart speeds up a bit as I see the fourth letter from him in two days. It reminds me of the days when we were together. I scoff at myself, my own thoughts making me too sentimental again. I think that’s what Draco would tell me right now if he heard me say that. “Bloody sentimental Gryffindor.” I heard that so many times that it still rings in my ears, but I hear it with the affectionate tone that he used in the last six months, not in the sarcastic way he did for so long before that. I attribute all this thinking about him to the fact that in two weeks I’m going to be moving into one of his properties, one in France and the fact that my marriage is now in the process of being over. 

I went to Hogwarts yesterday to tell the kids, something they took surprisingly well. James and Albus both said that we didn’t seem as close as we used to and that even with the marriage counselling that it didn’t seem like things were really significantly better overall. There was more peace but less genuine affection. I told them that they were too perceptive for their own good, and Lily just said that she had seen her mother kissing Dean and was forbidden from telling me. This brought a surge of anger and the boys saw it before I could quell it completely. James held Lily’s hand as it went through me but I kept my tongue in check to keep from saying something nasty about Ginny. I’m glad Lily told me about this after I told Ginny I was leaving because if she had told me before I certainly would have gone off on her and ended things right there, no matter how hard we were trying to reconcile things. My heart was pounding out of fury as I said my goodbyes and hugged them all telling them that we would get things sorted so that they would spend as much time with family as possible. I resolved myself then and there to use that as a way to get primary custody of the children, but I would need to discuss that with a lawyer first. 

My first alone meeting is with Draco in twenty minutes. He sent a letter ahead to tell me when to expect him, which is far sooner than I anticipated. I use freshening charms on my clothes and myself to at least smell clean since I didn’t get a chance to shower. I only now returned from having gone through the trouble of getting a meal up here and spelled warm so that it would be available whenever he arrived. I was imagining what he would wear, but I knew that was not an appropriate way to approach this meeting at all and I paced back and forth frantically to get my mind cleared when there was a knock at the door. I felt my heart catch in my throat and desperately hoped that my foolish thoughts weren’t apparent on my face as I opened the door. “Draco.” My mouth formed the word almost instinctively and I had to force myself to remember that I was the host for a rare occasion. I stepped back and felt my hands clench to keep from touching him. This was not shaping up the way that I expected it to. 

He stepped in, a pair of dark grey trousers fitted to him to be perfect on his ass and legs, sweeping down the length of them as he filled them out with his height and his grace. Bloody hell I was sounding like a romance novel in my own head. I felt my head shake at the ridiculousness of it all but he was in the room not looking at me directly. Thank Merlin for small miracles. I close the door behind me and feel my eyes sweeping over his form. He sees the table and sits down. “I’m going to assume that you aren’t serving me something ridiculous.” I let out a quiet laugh. It feels almost natural again. I shake my head, realizing that he can’t see it and come around to the other side of the table. “No, I’m not. Go ahead and open it up.” He lifts the lid on the tray and sees a leg of lamb with rosemary potatoes on his on his plate and I smile seeing him pleased. The next thing he says is so quiet that I don’t know if I hear it correctly. “You remembered.” 

My mind flashes back to a point where we had discussed our favourite foods and I realize that I never once made this for him like I intended to. I was going to do it to celebrate something but those plans had changed at the last minute and we couldn’t get together. He looks at me in surprise and that’s how I know I heard him correctly. “I figure to new beginnings it was a way to show you I was serious.” My mouth is forming words before I know what I’m saying and I look down, embarrassed at my own brazenness. He doesn’t need me to be a bloody sentimental fool right now. A flicker of some emotion passes over his features but I can’t tell what. I don’t know him anymore. I don’t know if I ever did really.  I clear my throat and raise my wine to him. “Let’s get down to business shall we?”

Business. Maybe that’s for the best. His eyes glance over at the briefcase I have on the ground and I pull out my notes that I was looking to propose to him and he reaches out a hand to stop me. “It can wait until after dinner. Let’s just enjoy this right now.” My breath catches as I look at him over the candles in the dim room. His eyes are soft, they remind me of a time from before and I dumbly nod, unable to form words. His hand reaches back slowly, seeming like he is reluctant to let me go and I know that it’s unlikely that that is the reason but here we are anyway. My heart is beating hard and we sit and eat for a bit before he asks the question. “So what happened?”

I let my fork fall to the plate more noisily than I mean to. The question catches me off guard, but I should have seen it coming from a mile away. “She cheated on me.” He raises an eyebrow in question, knowing that it couldn’t be only that but I take a bite of food before I continue. “She cheated for 6 months, and I caught her in the act the first time.” I pause and he takes this information in before I continue. “I told her that I could forgive it if we could work through it. So into therapy we went to resolve our problems and I had forgiven her for it and thought we moved past it. Her affair overlapped ours to a degree. Her first four were our last four.” I hear my voice catch a bit, remembering how things ended and I clear my throat again. 

“She slept with him when I was on assignment in Bulgaria. He showed up and I guess she just took him right to bed, or maybe fucked him inside the front door again so as to not wake the kids, I don’t really know.” My voice is borderline furious. “She told me right after we sent the kids to school and I told her mother. I walked out after she told me. I had no reason to bother trying to fix it again- she clearly couldn’t keep her legs together long enough to try and make it work. At least when our affair was over I didn’t go back to you.” I see him flinch a bit and it’s almost satisfying to see the hurt flicker across his features. “I told the kids yesterday and I also found out my youngest saw her kissing her other man and told her not to inform me of it. I’m mad that she kept it a secret and used the kids to hide it from me. I almost hate her for that because that should never have gotten to that point. At least we weren’t careless.” 

Draco pauses in his eating and he sets his fork down. “Actually we were found out. My wife found out.” My jaw drops and I don’t know what to say. “I ended things for her.” He doesn’t offer more, and I’m not ready to ask for more information, not right now. He finishes eating and pushes the plate away and looks at it. “Dessert also or down to business?” I shake my head. “Treacle tart for dessert.” He rolls his eyes at me and I can only smile. This was the look from him that I wanted. That haughty Malfoy air. 

We finish dinner and he looks at me as I pull out my notes and hand him a small glass of scotch. He mentioned it once I think about how he liked to drink it when discussing business matters. It made him feel important, or more important in a room full of important people. He lets a small smile grace his features for a moment as he takes the glass and we sit down and talk over my points. He and I debate about rent, how much, how often. Wards, floo, who can visit and who can’t. He tells me the point of it being unplottable is to keep people from apparating to it so he would prefer floo only unless it’s him or me. Tells me about what kind of activities to avoid to keep attention away from it to be safe and then we discuss lawyers. He has three that he can recommend, two that specialize in divorce and one in finances to help me divide property and money with the soon to be ex-missus. I hear the words he says and absorb it, but it feels so natural that I forget that he has work to attend to the next day as it’s nearly one in the morning. 

“This was lovely Potter. We should do it again sometime soon. We also have to discuss house elves sooner rather than later so I know how many to provide you with.” I shake my head and tell him that’s not necessary, but he reminds me that there is no muggle wiring in the house so I’ll have to rely on some magical help outside myself. He bids me a good evening and tells me to contact him with another date for dinner and I respond with I will. As I look over our notes, ready for a contract to be signed, I sigh heavily. I never remember the interaction between us being so tiring, but maybe that's just the way things are going to be now. As they say, you can never go back to the way things were before- you can only move ahead.

Something comes over me and I remember Hermione saying that she had a meeting with him the next day and that if I were able to show for breakfast or lunch it would help cushion the amount of time she had to spend with him. I hold my breath as I think about what I’m possibly doing. After so long of not having him in my life it’s becoming more and more apparent that I want him in my life as long as possible, and there is very little that I can do to convince myself otherwise. My hands turn into fists and they clench as I think about him going home to a wife that he’s not in love with, and not attracted to. That was something that he had told me six months into our affair. I needed to show him that I could be the better choice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reviews and kudos are love.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter went up far sooner than I expected. I hope the speedy update helps out for those who are reading it regularly. I'm working ahead as fast as I can so that I can always have a chapter or two ready to post on what I'm planning to be a weekly basis from now on. I don't know exactly how many chapters this fiction will have, but at the rate it's going, I'm looking at somewhere in the 20ish range. Please bear with me until the end!
> 
> As always, this fiction is unbetaed- all mistakes are my own.

**Chapter 4**

 

My hands are trembling slightly as I apparate home. I know I shouldn’t have apparated under such conditions but I couldn’t help what was happening. I was in love with the bloody fool after all, and here he was going to be renting a house from me now that he and his wife were getting divorced. Divorced. If only such an option was available for me. I come in through the front door, of course, anything less would be rude and see Astoria waiting for me on the stairs in her nightgown. If I a normal male, that would be the kind of sight to invoke a need in me to carry her up the stairs and ravish her. But since I am not that kind of man, I only let out a sigh. “I should have owled you to let you know I was going to be later than anticipated. I apologize.” She brushes it off with a wave of her hand. I know what she’s going to ask, but a certain amount of etiquette ingrained in me makes me wait.

“How was seeing him again? Did you shag his brains out? Kiss him goodnight? Or were you entirely cordial and polite, much like you are with me?” Her voice is neutral, curious even. I don’t let the smirk play on my lips much like I’d like to and instead answer honestly.

“Nothing happened. We ate dinner, talked over the property and his predicament, made notes to his contract and he’ll be in touch within two days to get things signed before moving into the property. We even discussed lease terms as far as length and it came to the conclusion of as long as he needs to be provided that he gives a full month notice before vacating the premises.” She nods and stand on the stairs to move up and asks quietly, “Should I expect you in bed or will you simply be in the room next door as always?” She seems lonely, and I can accommodate her with holding her at night on a night like this. I shake my head. “I’ll join you after I get this sent off to Ruby.” She nods and extinguishes many of the laps on the way- leaving enough light to guide me by. 

I get the house elf up to take the contract to our mutual lawyer and she pops away with a snap of fingers and I know that I’m letting a sigh escape my lips. It was hard, standing there as I said goodbye to the boy with emerald eyes that haunted my dreams nearly every night. I didn’t want to part, but given that I have to work with the insufferable Hermione Granger in the morning, I do need as much restful sleep that I can obtain. My wife thankfully gives a certain calm that I don’t get anywhere else and I do have a sense of pride in knowing that despite everything that has occurred she has still almost never failed to make me feel a certain ease that I don’t get anywhere else. I pull the covers up after changing into my pyjamas and tuck myself in against her back. She knows that I likely won’t attempt to pleasure her, but won’t deny her if she seeks it out. She’s asleep when I pull in around her, however, so that seems unlikely this night.

Waking in the morning is always a slow process. I feel my eyes strain against the light and know that it must be morning. Astoria is nowhere to be found and I sense that all is well within the manor. I swing out of bed and smell the bacon and eggs waiting for me on the table. Coffee appears shortly after as I straighten my robes and sit, looking over the documents one last time that I have to present to Granger in a little over two hours. Astoria nods as the house elves appear and with another snap make fruit and toast appear before skittering off to attend to the other chores. At one point when Mother and Father were here, we had nearly thirty of them to attend to any need of any person on the grounds. War made some of them flee and kill themselves for abandoning their masters, some killed by the old snake himself, and yet others who simply were too old. We now have a modest number of a dozen, something that doesn’t seem to change. I’ve discussed with Astoria about letting them breed a few new ones, but she says that most of them are getting too old for that now anyway. I don’t know the practices much myself, but I know in many ways to trust her judgement. As the current residing Lady Malfoy, she is more or less the head of house when I’m not home, and knows more of the intricate workings than I do.

Thinking on this, I frown, unable to really let this thought settle into a place of warmth and convenience that it would have been a year ago. But then again, things were harder a year ago than they are now. I let out a sigh and eat everything quickly before doing my normal ‘off to the office’ routine. I kiss her on the cheek, tell her it will likely be a long day where I will want a glass of brandy at the end of it (Granger usually causes this) and that I will be home as soon as I can. She will smile and kiss me in return, wish me a good day and be on her way before I’m even fully stepped away. She has adjusted well to a life here, and because of that, I don’t think I would ever truly have the heart to ask her to leave. It was something that I had thought about briefly in our early years together after I figured out that she wasn’t my “type” so to speak. When we discussed it later, it just seemed natural that we would allow for things to continue, I would do regular sexual encounters with her until she got pregnant and bore me an heir, and we wouldn’t ever have to do it again if we didn’t want to. The last time had been almost six months ago. She seems to want it about that often, and I think it’s important for me to provide since she has ways of making me pleasured enough to give her what she seeks, but not in any emotional release. I wager that will be harder to do the more I age.

When walking into the Ministry nearly a week after seeing Harry at the tracks I’m surprised to see him there talking to Granger. I thought for sure that after everything he would be limiting his contact with that family and at the same time I let a small smile play across my lips. Maybe he was there to see me too, even if it was only in a passing and brief way. I let the smile drop off as I approach and I can almost hear her eyes roll as I get nearby. “Morning Granger,” I say as professionally as I can. That feat is harder than it would appear some days. She lets out what sounds like an aggravated sigh and she motions to her office.

“Good morning. Shall we get right to it then?” My eyes glance towards Harry who is looking at me intently. I feel a light blush creep up my neck and I look away from him, not even acknowledging his presence. He nods to me in response, which i see out of the corner of my eye, and he whispers something into Granger’s ear as I walk into the office. I settle myself into a chair before her desk and she takes the other, pulling over a large hard implement to rest all the parchment on and is raking it over slowly with her eyes. She whispers a spell and the door closes behind us and I feel myself tense. Ever since the war I haven’t been fond of doors closed with people I once considered my enemy, Potter excluded from that list of course. I know that it’s a lot to ask to leave the door open, especially when we are working on things that are of a sensitive matter.

Granger looks over all my notes, sometimes a brow furrowing in confusion or concentration, other times pulling out a quill and making adjustments to my revisions. I will then look over what she has approved and revised. Depending on what she wrote, that is when I stop her and we will argue for a while, sometimes reaching a compromise, sometimes leaving it as something labeled to come back to later on. She and I have gotten into it on two or three occasions when she is entirely unreasonable with her demands and sometimes needing to be shown a little more sense than she possesses. Fucking Gryffindors.

The meeting this time is nearly four hours long before a break and I stand and stretch out my back and hips from being in that chair. I wish I could pull out a cigar and smoke it while pacing and having a nice glass of scotch or brandy for moments like this, but Granger would never let me hear the end of it. A knock on the door surprises us both and it’s Harry again. My heart skips a beat and I’m glancing over at him every chance I’ve gotten and know that I’m likely caught by them both. He’s dressed more smartly than I’ve seen him for a while, and he looks pleased with himself when he tells her the news. I can overhear little pieces of it, and know he’s told her of my invitation and that he’s accepted. I expect I’ll hear from my lawyer later today to sign the paperwork.

Harry lets out a broad smile when he catches me glancing at him again and I know that he’s liable to make a fool of himself if he says anything more. I just nod and wave him away, knowing if I do anything more than that I’m at risk of exposing myself. Granger looks at us confused and shakes her head. “Let’s continue on.” I nearly nod when Harry interrupts her. “I”m sorry ‘Mione, but can I borrow him to my office for a minute?” I hear her sigh and she waves me up. “Be back in ten minutes or I’ll find you myself.” 

I follow Harry out, wondering what could be so urgent that he needs me in his office and when we get there he pulls me into an embrace. “I’m sorry. I needed to see you for longer than a minute like I had this morning. I knew you were meeting with her because she mentioned it at lunch yesterday.” My head is spinning and he’s babbling about needing me and how he missed me and how now that he’s divorced he can make it right, really be with me and his mouth is covering mine and oh…  _ oh _ … it’s so good and so bad at the same time. I wasn’t prepared. I wasn’t ready and I’m pulling away and not ready for the hurt in his eyes.

That was improper, that was foolish, that was impulsive. I’m saying these things out loud, without realizing, and his eyes, so bright and cheerful are dying, filling with tears filling with pain that I caused. I cannot soothe them before they are already out of my mouth and I cannot apologize because they are the truth. He had never expected anything else from me, anything less. “You know, just because Astoria knew doesn’t mean that I can do this right now.” These words make Harry stop. He doesn’t know she is ok with it in controlled environments. I can’t tell him, not yet.

The pain seems lessened thankfully. It seems like these words soothe him and he is resigned but understanding. “I need to tell you something very important, but I don’t know when I’m going to get a chance to. Can we have dinner? Night after tomorrow when we sign the paperwork?” My head is still spinning thinking about his burning lips on my own. I nod, and feel for the door handle, knowing that if I don’t make my escape now I’m never going to. He’ll fuck me against that door and wall and I’ll let him. I make it back to Granger with time to spare, lips flushed and looking slightly panicked. If she wanted to say anything about my appearance, a glare from me shushes her enough to only talk about the documents we are trying to pass. Things have gotten too complicated for their own good now. And I’m not sure what to do about it. Looking up from where Granger has started to make notes on the documents, we resume working, but I’m not sure that I’ve heard anything else she says.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for the shorter chapter. I promise I'll make it up with the next couple of chapters.
> 
> Reviews and kudos are love.


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